10 Weekly New Mexico Fail Update – Of course Coach Locksley and his Lobos were going to lose. Everybody expected that this week. They were playing at Arkansas. Of course getting outgained by over 300 yards and beaten to a pulp (52-3) was not expected. Arkansas is not exactly known as a defensivve juggernaut. Heck, they are supposed to be winning their game like Auburn does (all offense, no 'D' and just enough special teams. Of course Locksley and his Lobos had to go and make them look like world beters because that is what Locksley and his merry band of Lobos does.
9 Somebody Might have actually been a worse coaching hire than Locksley (I didn't think it was possible) – Mike Locksley, meet Larry Porter. Mike Locksley, be glad you met Larry Porter, the new front runner for coaching futility (of course nobody will match the Locksley off field rap sheet). Porter was 1-11 in his first season last year, only beating Middle Tennessee St. in a game where MTSU's quarterback was suspended. This year, it looks worse. Of course Memphis lost badly to Mississippi St. That doesn't matter. Losing 47-3 to Arkansas St. though. Ugh. That's another situation entirely. I know Arkansas St. might be good, but they are still a Sun Belt team being coached by a guy who was a high school coach not that long ago. How do you lose to them 47-3 (Of course the answer is by being miserable)? Now, Memphis must beat Austin Peay or will likely go winless. This is not a gimme despite Austin Peay's 72-10 loss to Cincinnati a couple of weeks ago.
8 Penn St. QB Play – Rob Bolden was awful for Penn St. against Alabama. He should start and never come off the field. When the alternative is a former walk-on who went 1-10 passing and has shown interception machine tendencies, you should never come off the field. Of course, Penn st. really needs to get both of them off the field and find someone else before Joe Paterno wastes his last few years in quarterback purgatory.
7 Mascots Flying into Windows is a bad thing – I'm an Auburn alum. I love my eagle flying around the stadium before the game. I'm still going to make fun of it if something goes wrong, just like I would if Bevo, Ralphie or Uga did something crazy. And Spirit, Auburn's eagle, definitely did something crazy Saturday. He flew into the window. Ouch. Not good. Not good at all. At least he is OK. That said, what the heck happened? How does the eagle fly into a window like a garden variety bird that's never seen a window before? What was it thinking? Did it forget its training?
6 The Rest of the Big Ten – At least Penn St. lost to a quality opponent (Alabama). The rest of the Big Ten (Wisconsin, Michigan St. and Michigan exempted) either played FCS schools, lost, or played very badly in closer than expected wins as heavy favorite. The carnage list: Minnesota lost to New Mexico St. (and this would have happened anyway despite the seizure suffered by their coach Jerry Kill, it was 4th and 10 for the ball game when it happened), Purdue lost on a blocked field goal at Rice (also, why on Earth was Purdue playing Rice on the road in front of 27 people and their friends), Iowa lost to Iowa St. again (this happens every so often and it never should) and Indiana lost to Virginia (passable given Indiana's state but still...). Also, Ohio St. probably should have lost to Toledo and Nebraska went sleepwalking through their game and nearly lost to Fresno St. Terrible.
5 Garrett Gilbert – Put your transfer papers in now and start looking for a school son, at least if you want to ever see the field again. Gilbert was awful against BYU (2-8, 2INTs). His relief combined (Case McCoy and David Ash) to go 9-11 and can add a running threat that Gilbert does not. Looks to me like Gilbert is done and his drop to third on the depth chart this week says he most certainly is.
4 It was Washington St., how did you manage that – OK I get that Washington St. and Oregon St. seem to have switched places. That means Wazzu is probably average. Still, they are starting a backup QB. How, UNLV, did you manage to get clubbed by them worse than you did against Wisconsin? What bizarre manner of awful did you create to pull that one off?
3 Negative Yardage Punting, and that was the high point – Oregon St.'s punter had quite the miserable start Saturday. First quarter and he punted in a 0-0 game. Nothing abnormal here until you see he kicked it -4 yards. Yes, that's negative four. No it wasn't blocked and there was also no wind. If that was all that was needed for a college scholarship, I shouldn't be paying student loans off right now.
2 Icing Your Own Kicker... Twice – The Arizona St.-Missouri game could have its own Lowlights countdown entry. Believe me, it was the epitome of stupid football, all game long (though surprisingly no interceptions). To cap all of the stupid I witnessed Friday night, I saw Missouri head coach Gary Pinkel ice his own kicker before the game winning kick, twice. WHAT/ Yes, he iced his own kicker from over 45 yards away twice. Of course the kicker missed and Arizona St. won in overtime despite blowing a two touchdown lead in the 4th in part because of a muffed punt (this game had all manner of idiot except interceptions).
1 One First Down – It would be tough to top icing your own kicker twice, especially when you are a Sun Belt sacrifice to a Big Ten school. Of course, Florida Atlantic is not your normal team this season. They just played a game against Michigan St. where they got 1 first down. 1. That's it. I think me and 5 friends along with a Sun Belt offensive line could manage 2. 1 first down. Unbelievable. Here is the single most depressing drive chart I have ever seen, at least as it relates to offense: FAU - Michigan St. Drive Chart
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